Bad Day

Yesterday was a bad day; as with all bad days, however, it started off quite well.

I had a careers meeting in the afternoon, I was looking forward to it. Lots of ideas have been going round in my head for what I could be doing once I finish uni and talking to an expert was really beneficial. I decided that I wasn't going to go for the interview that I had the offer for the other day, I've been thinking a lot and decided that I don't want to be an accountant, I never have wanted to be one. I was only applying because a) I don't know what else I want to do right now, b) my mum thinks that's what you do with a maths degree. Even if I did want to be an accountant my head is not in the right place to be making such permanent decisions. I'm glad that I don't have a job sorted out for next year already because I'm nowhere near being able to be in a stressful, competitive work environment. Being an accountant would mean another three years of exams and stress, and I don't want that.

The careers advisor I talked to agreed and said a year out would be really beneficial, especially if I get some temporary work to earn a bit of money and experience, and if I can implement some of my charity ideas. Its all things that boost a CV so its worth doing. We had a really good hour's chat, I even made the poor woman cry because of everything I've been through in the past few weeks.

So this part of my day was good. I then had to tell of this to my parents. I was dreading it because they seem convinced that I am going to get this super fabulous career and earn lots of money, because that's what you do with a maths degree from Warwick. They're also convinced I will walk out of university and have this great job straight away, unlikely. The bit about cancelling the interview went ok, it doesn't particularly make sense to be going for an interview when I'm meant to be revising hard for exams and finishing coursework. What upset me was that my parents didn't seem to understand why I need a year out, why I don't want to make any permanent career decisions right now. I talked to them (well through tears so might not have been understandable anyway) about wanting to look into becoming a teacher. My mum is convinced I should be doing something more with my life than being a teacher, but if it would make me happy then why shouldn't I?

This conversation went on for a little while longer. I had the standard bit about "well you'll have to get a job, because we want you to start earning money" etc. I totally understand I do actually want to be earning money I just don't want a stressful graduate job right now, I want something easy just to tide me over so I can get on with more important things.

I was emotionally drained when I got off the phone. I don't argue with my parents often and its even harder when I'm away from home because my mum ends up getting upset too. I went straight into my housemate's room and continued crying. He was good and found me a tub of Ben&Jerrys to devour. My dad then phoned me back and said that they're coming up to see me on Sunday to talk about everything properly. At least it gives me a few days to write out my year plan and explain everything to them face to face.

It might not seem like the worst day in the world, but everything escalates when you're not sleeping well and hormonal. I hate arguing with my parents, and I hate having to admit that I'm struggling because it makes them worry even more about me. I have to finish my exams so its not like I can just go back home, otherwise I won't even have a degree to help me find a job. I wish everything wasn't on top of me right now, I could really do with the time out, which is why I need my year out, or at least take a few months. I don't know how I'm going to feel. Thinking about a career isn't my priority right now but I feel its taking over because its causing so much drama.