Lack of sleep is slowly killing inside. Every night when I go to bed my head gets full of thoughts, not just of Andrew, but of everything else that's happening too - exams, unwanted people in the house, job interviews. I'm in a routine of writing a diary entry every night and I tell Andrew about my day and everything that I wanted to tell him all day, keep him up to date with football scores and other various things. Sometimes I get upset but others I don't, depends on what mood I'm in really. It helps me get some of the thoughts out of my head, but I'm still struggling to sleep.
I know the reason why I didn't sleep well last night was; there was a moth in my room. It was the kind of moth that seemed indestructible - I hit it with my slipper several times but it kept fluttering around my room. I decided I would just ignore it and try and get to sleep. The only reason why I don't like moths is because my sister is terrified of them and if there's one anywhere near her it has to go. I then realised that the moth couldn't hurt me and I'm not actually afraid of them, so I managed to get some sleep in the end, which was good. I had a James and the Giant Peach "I'm not afraid of you" moment (I hope people get this reference...).
I've tried taking some herbal sleeping tablets but they did bugger all - think in fact they made the problem worse because I started thinking to myself that "I should be asleep by now, why aren't these pills working" etc. They were only herbal, so I suppose there's still the option of trying some proper medicinal ones, and eventually seeing a GP about the problem, but I don't particularly want to get hooked on sleeping tablets. Or have to admit that I'm struggling.
I think my problem is that I think too much. Plus when I get an idea in my head I have to do something about it for it to go away so I can stop thinking about it. There's a big notebook beside my bed which I've just filled with all the random thoughts and questions that enter my head all the time. You can probably map my stages of grief through it actually.
When I'm at home I always get up early because everyone else gets up. My mum doesn't understand the concept of a lie in, she's always up getting on with housework or something. But it gets me into a good routine and is probably why my sleeping was fine at home but not so great at uni. I've slipped back into the student routine, which is late to bed and last up in the morning. I tried to fight it, I go up to bed relatively early, set alarms, but because no one else in my house gets up early its so quiet, even at 8 or 9 in the morning. So I end up going back to sleep for a little while longer, make up for the sleep I lost the previous night.
So the sleeplessness could be my own fault, but I think its a mixture of my crazy thoughts and poor routine to be honest. Oh well, less than a month and I'll be back home again, complaining about being awake so early!
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