For anyone who is reading this blog and is unfortunate enough to be in the same or similar situation to myself, then I have a little word of advice. My advice is to spend as much time as possible with your closest friends. I just had a lovely visit from one of my best friends and it has done me the world of good. It was good having someone to talk to, to talk about things that you can't say to your family. It helps that my friend was also friends with Andy too, so we could talk about him easily too. We had a brilliant day, spending lots of money in our heads when we went out shopping, and then finished off the day with a trip to the cinema.
Yes there are some friends who may let you down and not act as you expected them too; but there are a lot of friends who can step up to the mark and be really brilliant in situations like mine. I am lucky to have some really good friends in my life (as well as a fantastic family + extended family) and I am thankful every day for them all. I'm looking forward to being able to go home in just over a week's time, to be back with my family and my friends and to just chill out for a little while and get my head sorted.
We hit the two month mark yesterday and I can honestly say that I am a different person to Louise from two months ago, and even from just one month a go. Its a horrible cliche and I'm completely fed up of hearing the cliches all the time, but it is true - time is a healer, and things do get better however hard it seems to go on. The first three months are tricky and I found out the other day that I will be ending my first three months of grief on either a high or a low - The 28th June is the day I find out my degree grade! I'm hoping for a high, and by the way things are going at the moment its looking like it will end that way. The university know about my situation and so will take everything into consideration, but I think I'm doing fine on my own - although I won't say no to some extra marks if they give them to me! This outlook shows how different I am from one month ago where I was terrified at the fact that I will fail my exams and end up with no degree and no future life in front of me - but now I feel differently! Just two more exams left to go and its over -11 days til home, not that I'm counting!!
im the sam hun i look at pics of me and lee and look at myself and i dont recognise myself at all! i am a whole new person! which is another diffcult steo as we have to grieve our partner and the grieve the old us and figure out the new things about the new person we have become!! hope we just dont turn bitter!! loosing lee has shown me that i do have alot in my life! i have lost the most important person im my life but i have good friends family, and i have a roof over my head and food! could be worse! i was watching jeremy kyle the other day and this woman lost her son and her husband in a house fire, her other soon was also badly burned and she had to live in the hospital for months because she had no where to live!! there is always someone worse of than ourselves! and im thankful for what i do have! xx
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